Let’s Talk About Lube

So in last week’s tip, I discussed the ways to enjoy anal sex without hurting your partner. I mentioned in passing a couple of different types of lubes you can use for this, so this week I’d like to talk more about the slippery stuff.

Some folks find the notion of using lube for sex a little intimidating. The way I see it, life is full of annoying, unpleasant things to deal with as it is; sex shouldn’t be one of them. Lube is fun! The slippery bits get even better when they’re more slippery.

There are a lot, and I mean a lot, of different kinds of lubes on the market. All of them fall into one of only a few basic categories, though: water-based, silicone, and oil-based. All the various textures, brands, kinds, and thicknesses of lube is going to be one of the three.

Water-based lubes
This is your basic, old-fashioned generic sex lube. It’s cheap, you can get it at a grocery or drug store, and it works. Good old-fashioned KY jelly is water-based lube.

Some water-based lubricants contain glycerine, which is an organic chemical compound similar to sugar. (If you want to get technical, it’s a sugar alcohol, essentially a sugar molecule with a hydroxyl group on the end.) Bacteria can’t use sugar alcohols for food, but some people claim that yeast can. I haven’t seen any evidence to support it myself, but I have heard claims that for folks who are really prone to yeast infections, lubes containing glycerine can promote a yeast infection and should be avoided.

Fortunately, there are a lot of water-based lubes that don’t contain glycerine. One of the most popular, and one I’m quite fond of, is Astroglide Glycerine Free, which is very slippery, stays that way for a while, and does the job quite nicely.

Among the absolute best of water-based lubes is Liquid Silk, which is specifically designed to avoid yeast infections. It’s a bit more expansive per ounce, but it has all sorts of skin conditioners in it as well.

Warming lubes are generally water-based. Whether or not you will like these depends a great deal on personal taste; I know some folks who swear by them and some folks who swear at them. They create a sensation of warmth when used. KY makes warming lube (in both liquid and jelly format), as well as a warming massage and sex lube as well. The latter is very, very mildly warming–frankly, I can’t even tell–so if you’re curious about warming lubes but you want to try something with a very mild effect, it might be a good place to start.

Pros: Water-based lubes can be used any time and with any kind of condom, any kind of toy, or whatever you want. They wash off easily, they don’t stain, and they are non-toxic. That’s the good news.

Cons: The bad news is that they can get sticky when they start to dry. A lot of folks don’t like water-based lubes for anal sex for that reason. I find that they still work well, especially if you keep them wet; one of the nice things about water-based lubes is that if they get sticky, adding a sprinkle of water will bring them right back. I almost always use water-based lubes myself.

Silicone-based lubes
Silicone lunes are, in the words of a friend of mine, like Teflon coating for people. You put a little tiny bit of silicone lube on some bit you want to be slippery, and it will get, and stay, slippery, oh yes. It’s more expensive ounce for ounce than water-based lubes, but you really don’t need very much of it.

Most silicone-based lubes that I’ve tried tend to be pretty thin. There have been a few silicone-based gels on the market recently, but a lot of the better known brands, like WET Platinum, is pretty thin.

One of the most popular makers of silicone lube is a company called Pjur, which makes both liquid and gel versions. They also make a silicone lube specifically for anal sex that they call “Analyze Me”.

Pros: Silicone lube never dries out, and I mean never. It doesn’t get sticky or tacky, and it’s almost impossible to wear out. It is compatible with condoms and with most toys. And, it’s waterproof! If you want to have sex in the tub or the shower but you’re worried that you won’t stay slippery, silicone lubes are your salvation. But…

Cons: …it’s expensive. And “most toys” doesn’t mean “all toys.” In particular, you can not use it with silicone sex toys; you’ll destroy them. (ID Millennium is a silicone lube that is claimed to be compatible with 100% medical-grade silicone sex toys, though it can and will damage lower-grade silicone toys. I still recommend not using any silicone lube with silicone toys. Stick with water-based lubes for silicone sex toys.) It also tends to be pretty tough to wash off, on account of that whole “waterproof” part.

Oil-based lube
These include most massage oils, some lotions, Vaseline, and so on.

In my experience, oil-based lubes just plain aren’t good as sex lubes. They are not compatible with latex, and will destroy latex condoms. Some women find them to be very unpleasant when used vaginally.

There is a type of oil-based lube on the market called “Elegance Woman’s Lubricant” that’s supposedly fine for vaginal sex, as long as you aren’t using a latex condom. I haven’t ever experimented with it, so I can’t really say much about it one way or the other. In general, I tend to avoid anything oil-based for sex.

Pros: None that I have found.

Cons: Hard to clean up, can destroy latex condoms.

Some lubes are specifically sold as beig designed for anal sex. Generally, these are going to be water or silicone based lubes in thicker formulations, though occasionally they are also marketed with topical anesthetics in them as well, supposedly to help prevent pain during anal sex.

Frankly, this strikes me as being a profoundly bad idea. Properly done, anal sex shouldn’t be painful; and if it isn’t done right, it seems to me that the last thing you’d want to do is numb the area, which might prevent you from realizing that something is causing actual injury.