Fun BDSM sex toys

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Hitting the right note

This week’s sex tip is an unusual spin on the basic concept of a vibrator. We generally think of vibrators as something that need batteries, but a fun and interesting sex toy can be made from an ordinary tuning fork.

You can find tuning forks at any music shop, or you can order them online for about seven dollars. And believe me, they have all kinds of fun uses in the bedroom.

Especially if your partner is blindfolded and doesn’t know what to expect.

You can strike the tuning fork and gently touch it to all sorts of sensitive parts of the body. Arms, inner thighs, the clit, the underside of the penis, and even the bottoms of the feet all offer rich territory to explore with this unusual sensation.

A tuning fork feels like a soft, but very rapid, vibrator. It’s quite a bit different in feel from an ordinary vibrator, so if you like the idea of new sensation, give it a try!

Spreading Christmas Joy

Christmas is almost on top of us, and we here at Weekly Sex Tip would like to share some of the holiday spirit with another annual list of Christmas presents for naughty girls and boys! This time, the list is finished in time to get fun things under the tree or in the stockings of the naughty folks on your list, even if only just barely. Click on any of the pictures or headings to order!

I admit it. I’m a fan of sex in the shower. This particular toy was made by someone who’s also a fan, I think. It’s a 6″ flexible dildo with a suction cup designed to be mounted on the side of the tub or the shower wall, and you may never leave the shower again!

The Hitachi Magic Wand is something of a classic. It’s probably the most popular sex toy ever invented (although the manufacturers call it a “massager,” of course, and it even works well for that too). One day I’m going to write a sex tip just dedicated to this classic, because it’s a sure-fire pleaser for anyone who enjoys vibration. It’s also cheap, durable, and just about indestructible. Anyone who’s never tried one of these wonders, ought to. It hasn’t earned its reputation as a reliable standby for nothing!

This inexpensive Whisper Vibe is surprisingly high-quality and remarkably versatile for the price. It comes with a control pack and two slimline vibrators–a “bullet” style vibrator and a small penis-shaped vibrator. It can be used internally or externally, and even works well on things like nipples. It’s portable, powerful, and the controller offers four different vibration settings.

In the past few years, sex toys have really undergone a renaissance. The variety, quality, and creativity of the toys coming out has exploded, and sex toy designers are really starting to pay attention to what makes sex fun.

This glass toy is amazing, and amazingly affordable. It’s designed to stimulate the clit and the entrance to the vagina, where most women are more sensitive. Insert it and use the handle to spin it for incredible sensation. It’s great as a solo toy, and works really well with a partner. If you’re just getting into using sex toys with your lover, I can’t recommend this one highly enough.

One of the neat things about the Sex Toy Renaissance is the way that sex toy designers are using all sorts of interesting materials to create toys that are half utilitarian and half art. This beautiful vibrator is made from wood and urethane; it’s sealed and non-porous, but has the finish of wood. It also has a high-tech vibrator inside that pulses and runs in all sorts of patterns. The wavy ribs give more stimulation to people who like to use it internally.

Did I mention I have a thing for shower sex? Fun as it is, though, it can also be…logistically challenging. Fear not, technology can solve any problem! This quick-release suction-cup handle gives you an easy-on, easy-off way to get a grip wherever you need one. Put it where you want it and hang on!

I’m actually a little surprised that toys like this aren’t more common. It’s a simple, obvious idea: make a vibrator that’s designed to work as both a dildo and a butt plug. It’s made of soft, non-toxic, hypo-allergenic rubber, and it’s also waterproof, so you can use it just about anywhere. The vibrator is surprisingly powerful, and surprisingly quiet too.

Speaking of butt plugs: This thing is very cool. Okay, so the name (“anal joystick”) is kind of silly, I’ll grant you that. But it’s a very nice toy for anyone who likes, or is thinking about trying, rear-entry fun. Stainless steel is very, very smooth, making it ideal for novices to anal sex. It’s indestructible (well, unless you throw it into a blast furnace, I imagine), but what’s REALLY cool is that you can disassemble it and put the balls in whatever order you like.

Eventually, I’m going to write an article just about gags. Like blindfolds, gags are an underrated sex toy that can be a whole lot of fun when you’re exploring a bit of kink with your sex. This beginner’s gag is made by Tantus, one of my two favorite sex toy makers. It’s comfortable, odorless and tasteless (many ball gags have a strong rubbery taste that I personally don’t like), easy to adjust, and easy to clean.

One of these days, I’m going to create a collection of all the really strange-looking sex toys out there. This toy will definitely make the list.

Men usually get short shrift in the sex toy department; there just aren’t many toys out there for guys, at least compared to the number of toys for women. This gizmo was designed to be used by men and women, which is part of why it’s so strangely shaped. The wide end can be used as a conventional dildo. The narrow end is a prostate massager, or butt plug, or clit stimulator. You can squeeze around the knob at the end and use it for Kegels. The loop makes a great handle. And it’s sure to get comments when you pull it out of your toy box.

Boosting your Sexual Self-Confidence

A reader writes: I am in a new sexual relationship with a great guy. I want to be really sexual with him but I’m having a problem. I get shy whenever we are about to have sex. I feel self-conscious about my body, and I don’t know what to do about it. BTW, I’m female if that makes a difference.

There’s rather a lot that’s been written about sexual self-confidence, especially for women. Entire books, in fact. So I’m not sure I really have much to contribute that’s entirely new, though that’s a good thing, as it means there’s a lot of great information out there.

First off, I don’t know if you’ve been in a sexual relationship before, but if you’re fairly new to the wild and wonderful world of sex, it’s absolutely normal to be nervous. That’s part of the human condition; new experiences almost always feel awkward at the start. Remember how you felt the first time you tried to ride a bike? Repeated experience is what makes new activities comfortable.

If you’re uncomfortable with your body, I strongly suggest you spend some time acquainting yourself with it, visually and physically. Look at yourself in the mirror. Run your hands over your body. learn to be comfortable with what you see, and learn what turns you on; both of those are things your partner will really appreciate.

Invite your partner into the experience as well. If you feel uncomfortable diving straight into sex, have your partner just look at you or touch your body, without the expectation of sex. (It can actually be incredibly empowering and satisfying to have a lover simply look at your body.) Invite your partner to tell you about the things that are sexy and attractive about you.

Work your way up to sexier activities. Have fun with it! Remember, sex is often silly; that’s one of its charms. develop the habit of being flirty and playful with your partner.

Sex isn’t something that needs to be relegated to one room during one part of the day, and it doesn’t need to involve only one kind of physical activity either. Something that I have found is a fun way to build up sexiness is to be playful all throughout the day. If you’re just finishing a lunch break and you find yourself thinking about your partner, a text message can be a playful way to say so. Casual touching and kissing throughout the day, while you’re running errands or watching TV or doing whatever it is you do, is a great way to communicate that you find your partner sexy and to encourage sexy thoughts and self-confidence.

And speaking of texting, if you find yourself wanting to talk about something sexual but you feel too inhibited or too shy to do it directly, sometimes doing it in IM or text can be a lot easier. It can also make it easier for some folks to express sexy ideas they’d like to try.

Good luck!

Bondage…without rope!

If you hear the word “bondage,” what’s the first thing you think of?

One word that might spring to mind is “kinky.” If you’re like me, you might think of words like “sexy” as well. Or you might think “scary,” or “intriguing,” or “intimidating.”

But regardless of what words might pop into your head at the suggestion of bondage, the image that goes along with those words is probably something like being trussed up in ropes or chains. Today’s tip involves exploring the idea of bondage without using rope.

The idea of tying up your partner or being tied up can sound pretty intimidating if you’ve never done it before. Some folks like to try to make it less intimidating by using something like silk stockings or fuzzy handcuffs instead of rope, because they can seem less intimidating. I personally don’t recommend using stockings or nylons or handcuffs, as they can actually be less safe than rope; stockings tend to bunch up tight if you pull on them, and can be almost impossible to untie, whereas any kind of handcuffs are hard and unyielding and can quickly cause injury. Worse yet, cheap novelty handcuffs often have poor-quality locks that can jam. (I know many serious, hardcore kinksters who refuse to use handcuffs for bondage because of the risks involved.)

If you want to explore bondage but find the notion of ropes and chains intimidating, there are some fun, easy alternatives that are safer than nylons or handcuffs and are probably cheaper, too.

The first thing I recommend for folks who want to dabble with a little bit of light bondage in the bedroom is to buy some rolls of vet wrap or bandage tape. You can find it in drug stores or online, and it comes in all sorts of colors. It’s basically a stretchy, flexible bandage material that sticks to itself but not to anything else.

Vet wrap is awesome for doing light bondage fast. It doesn’t require any special skills or knot-tying expertise; just wrap it around your partner’s wrists or ankles, or use it to wrap a wrist to the bedpost. It goes on and comes off in seconds. It’s extremely inexpensive–you can find it for about a buck a roll, or less. You can use it to make improvised blindfolds. You can even wrap someone entirely up in it, if you like; the sensation of having your body wrapped in vet wrap is a lot of fun.

Another quick, inexpensive way to explore light bondage is with ordinary saran wrap. Like vet wrap, it can be used to bind someone’s wrists or ankles together, or bind a wrist to a bedpost, or even entirely wrap someone’s body. It makes for a very easy and safe bondage tool as long as you’re careful not to wrap up your partner’s face with it.

The opportunities that vet wrap and saran wrap offer are endless. Some obvious uses involve doing things like binding your partner’s wrists together, which can be a lot of fun just by itself.

For even more fun, try having your partner lie on his or her back with his or her knees in the air, then use vet wrap or saran wrap to bind your partner’s left wrist to the left ankle and the right wrist to the right ankle. This will keep your partner in a very appetizing position that lets you do all sorts of fun things to his or her body.

For a bit more fun, you can wrap your partner up more completely. Begin at the ankles and work your way up, wrapping your partner’s legs together like a mummy. Have your partner keep his or her arms at his or her sides and keep working your way from the bottom to the top, wrapping around his or her arms and up the body. When you’re done, you can use a pair of bandage scissors to cut a hole in the wrapping wherever you’d like to be able to reach–breasts, nipples, between the legs, and so forth.

When you’re wrapped up like this, not only does it keep you from moving around very much, but you’ll probably find that any place that isn’t wrapped becomes a lot more sensitive. I find this is especially fun in places like nipples.

There are a few things to keep in mind when you explore something like this, of course. It’s a good idea to have a pair of bandage scissors on hand to cut the wrap free when you’re done. You can find bandage scissors at any drug store; they have one blade with a rounded tip that can be slid beneath a bandage without cutting the skin, so they will very quickly remove vet wrap or saran wrap without poking your partner. Don’t wrap tightly enough to cut off circulation; you can secure someone without needing to wrap too tightly. Be creative, and have fun!

Communicating desire

A couple of months ago, someone asked me in an email how to talk to her partner about what she wanted. She said she found it difficult to tell him directly the things she would really like him to do to her.

There are a lot of techniques that people who find it hard to talk about sex can use to let their partners know what they’d like; one of my usual recommendations for folks who find talking hard is to try communicating in writing, either by keeping a sex journal or by sending an email or even by talking in IM or text.

This week’s sex tip is a bit different, though, and it’s a lot of fun even for those of you who find it easy to ask for what you want.

Start out by thinking about something you’d really, really like your partner to do to you. It can be something simple, like “run your hands over my body,” or something complex, like “tie me to the chair and tease me for hours.” Whatever you like.

Then, find a ball-point pen or a fine-point marker and write it on your body, in places that are normally covered by clothes. Be creative! You can write it step by step on different parts of your body for your lover to find, if you want. You can even make the discovery part of the instructions; “Run your hands across my chest until you think I’m turned on, then unbutton my pants and follow any instructions you find written on my thighs.”

It’s especially fun to do the writing in the morning, like before you go to work, so you can think about all the naughty things you have written on your body throughout the day. Thinking about what’s there, hidden just beneath your clothes, waiting for your partner to discover, is a wonderful way to keep yourself in a sexy mood all day long.

At the end of the day, when you and your partner are together and ready to start, your lover can begin unwrapping you and looking for what you’ve written. It’s a flirty, delicious way to draw out the fun and communicate things you’d like to do all in one!

Talk dirty to me, baby!

A reader writes, I like dirty talking. I keep asking my new boyfriend to talk dirty to me. He says he will, but he never does. What should I do?

This must be National Dirty Talking Month. This same question has come up several times in several different places recently.

I’m a fan of talking dirty. I think it’s a great way to stir up excitement in the bedroom and get the creative juices flowing, so to speak. Not everyone feels comfortable doing it, though.

However, I do think that anyone can learn to do it, if they want to.

If you want your partner to talk dirty to you, and he says he’s willing but doesn’t follow through, I think a good place to start is to talk to him, openly and directly, about why he isn’t doing it.

There might be a lot of reasons. He might, for example, be waiting for a cue from you about when to start, or what to say.

He may have Clueless Nice Guy Syndrome, a disease which is often fatal to sexiness if left untreated. One symptom of this disease is unwillingness to do things like talking dirty because he thinks that they are “degrading” or they aren’t “respectful,” or he doesn’t feel comfortable treating women “that way” (whatever “that way” may be).

A good cure for this syndrome is to talk to him about not only what you want, but why you want it. Let him know, clearly and directly, that it turns you on and gets your motor running. While you’re at it, let him know that real respect comes from treating people the way they want to be treated. If he refuses to do something you want because he thinks it is “disrespectful,” then he isn’t listening to you–he is deciding for himself what he thinks is best for you. And THAT is disrespectful!

Another possibility is that he doesn’t feel comfortable using sexually explicit language. This could be for many reasons–we live in a culture that treats sex with shame and fear. Some people feel ashamed when using sexual language. Other people feel awkward. Some folks are afraid of sounding silly or saying the wrong thing.

One solution to this problem is practice. If he uses the language, it loses its ability to shame, and it goes from feeling awkward to feeling natural. If he can’t say sexually explicit things in front of you, have him practice saying them in private until the words feel more comfortable.

He might be afraid that he won’t be able to think of anything to say. Giving him suggestions, so that he has a template to follow, might help with this. Provide examples of things that get you going.

Another way to start might be to read sexually explicit stories to each other out loud. Some of the tips in the article about sharing fantasies and the game Letting the Genie Out of the Bottle can help in this regard, too.

The road to having a partner who likes talking dirty definitely starts with communication, though. Good luck,and feel free to write back and let me know how it works out!

Ben-Wa Balls and Sex

A reader asks, Is it okay for my lover to enter me even though I have ben wa balls inside? If so, will they not get stuck somwhere up inside of me?

The short answer is “yes.”

The long answer:

Ben-wa balls appear to have been originally used as an aid to sexual intercourse, rather than as a masturbation aid. Originally, they were (or were believed to be; there’s not a great deal of documentation about the history of the devices) simple metal balls, a bit smaller than a cherry, that a woman could insert inside herself before sex. The act of intercourse moves the balls around inside the vagina, which many women find very pleasurable.

Nowadays, there are a lot of variants on ben-wa balls. Some of them are quite large, and probably shouldn’t be used during intercourse. The larger ones often include weights, chimes, or smaller balls inside them, and sometimes they’re highly decorated on the outside. These types of balls aren’t, strictly speaking, ben-wa balls, though they’re occasionally sold under that name.

Some balls also contain a cord or string to help make removal easier. This particular variety of ben-wa ball can present health problems if the cord is made of a material like silk or cotton, because the cord can trap bacteria. I generally recommend avoiding these. If you want to use balls with a cord, there are varieties that use cords made of silicone, rubber, or other non-stranded materials that won’t tend to trap bacteria.

Plain, simple ben-wa balls are very inexpensive (you can find them here for about seven bucks) and are a lot of fun. They aren’t going to get lost; the vagina is closed at the top, and they’re too small to fit through the cervix without some tricky engineering, so there’s really nowhere for them to go. If you have trouble getting them back out, a good sneeze will usually do the trick.

A very interesting technique that one of my partners has really enjoyed is inserting a pair of ben-wa balls and then following them with a vibrator. When the vibrator touches the balls, the result is pretty dramatic (and fun to watch, too!).

The times when I’ve had sex with a partner who was wearing them, it hasn’t made that big a difference for me, but my partner has said that it makes sex more intense for her.

Food Play, Part 3 – Sweet Sensations

Note: This sex tip is part 3 of a three-part Food and Sex special contributed by Maxine Green.

So we’ve talked about the sensual feeling of having food nibbled and licked off you by a lover, and the physical sensations or being penetrated, rubbed or whacked with edible toys, but this still isn’t the full range of sensation that we can get from things we would normally put in our mouths.

Have you ever gone down on a partner with a mint in your mouth, perhaps, or a cinnamon breath strip? Are you familiar with the cool, tingly sensation that menthol produces? Perhaps you’ve encountered the new type of heating or cooling lubricants specially designed for this sort of play – they’re all based on edible items that we encounter on a fairly regular basis. Aromatic foods that have a direct tingly effect on the taste-buds even besides the flavor, for example mint, cinnamon, ginger, and various other foods and drinks.

Have a play with what you find around the house or in the supermarket. Toothpaste, while not a traditional foodstuff, can be a great tingly sensation and is fun to lick off. Ginger root, if you happen to have some lying around, can be peeled and inserted – in orifices other than the mouth – to produce a rather fascinating sensation (this is known as ‘figging‘, and we recommend that you leave an end sticking out for easy removal!).

Are you a fan of sushi? Wasabi is way too much for most sets of genitals – mucous membranes are sensitive bits, but I know several people who enjoy the sensation on their nipples, and those slices of pickled ginger you get with your sushi can be a lot of fun placed on a finger tip or a tongue and used to gently stroke a clitoris. A japanese meal can truly be a feast of delights!

Be wary, of course – these are intense sensations, and can be too much for a lot of people. Chilli is best kept out of the bedroom entirely (and make sure you wash your hands after chopping those darned things, chefs!). Keep milk or yogurt on hand to soothe if things get too much, it’ll work better than water. Not sure something’s okay to use on genitals? Test it by rubbing a little inside your nose. If you find yourself running for the kleenex then it’s best not to use it below the belt!

A couple of other food related ideas: ‘splosh’ or covering each other with large quantities of wet things like baked beans or jello can be entertaining – play with it, have a food fight, but keep it to somewhere you can clean up easily, like a paddling pool! Also fizzy drinks are a fun sensation to play with, but make sure you keep them only on the outside of the body, as they’ll mess up the internal flora, which can lead to some results that aren’t fun at all… and of course lastly, if you come up with any great ideas of your own, be sure to tell us!

Food Play, Part 2 – Vegetable Matters

Note: This sex tip is part 2 of a three-part Food and Sex special contributed by Maxine Green. Stay tuned for the rest!

I doubt there can be anyone on earth who hasn’t had a filthy thought whilst out shopping and strolling through the vegetable aisles – just take a look at that zucchini (or courgette, if you’re in the UK), or that cucumber there! Carrots, perhaps? The supermarket can be a wealth of opportunities for play, especially if you happen to have found yourself on holiday with a willing partner but forgot to pack the toys!

Great vegetable to play with include: Carrots, parsnips, zucchini, cucumbers, even small squash are all great for insertion – but why stop at insertion? There is plenty more entertainment right here in your fruit and vegetable aisle! I’m reliably informed that sprigs of rosemary make excellent mini-floggers, a fuzzy kiwi fruit, or a bumpy lychee makes for interesting sensation-play, and how about using a bunch of celery as a paddle (my housemates have tested this one, apparently it works just great!)? Use your imagination, and let us know if you come up with any really interesting ideas! How about blindfolding your partner and playing a game of ‘guess the vegetable’?

On a serious note though, not every fruit or vegetable is suitable for insertion. A few guidelines are useful to think about when selecting a potential natural dildo:

1. Check that your chosen item has no sharp bits. Accidental scarring from a jagged edge is NOT sexy.

2. Choose an item with a nice firm texture, one you could squeeze quite firmly with your hand without crushing it. Suddenly finding you have half a squashy vegetable or fruit stuck inside you that you have to retrieve is also not sexy at all! Bananas, however tempting they might look, are really not good as sex toys for both of these reasons – with the skin on they have some surprisingly jagged edges, and with the skin off tend to become a squashy mess rather quickly, not to mention that the fruit sugars encourage the growth of yeast infections. Fine on the outside, but not for internal use!

Before use, make sure any natural dildo you’ve chosen to use has been washed thoroughly – you may want to use a condom over it to be certain – and it’s probably best to regard them as single use, especially if you share a fridge with anyone you’re not playing with! On the other hand, a gentleman I know is rather partial to a salad for lunch, made with the toys of the night before. Apparently it makes the meal that touch more piquant.

A couple more don’ts – again, it may be tempting, but using a piece of fruit as a gag (or anything that doesn’t allow ventilation through or around it, in fact) is not a good idea. We’ve seen far too many news reports of deaths after such activities to ignore the hazards there! Also make sure anything that’s going into an anus has a wider end that doesn’t go all of the way in. Going to the emergency room for carrot removal procedures is inconvenient to say the least!

Lastly, a fun addition: if you’re feeling a bit sadistic, try keeping your vegetables in the refrigerator for a while before use – chilly!

Food Play, Part 1 – Dessert!

Note: This sex tip is part 1 of a three-part Food and Sex special contributed by Maxine Green. Stay tuned for the rest!

This is the first of three articles on food play, and just to be contrary, we’re going to start with the last part of the traditional meal first. Why? Because making your partner into dessert is the simplest and most sensual way to play with food.

What isn’t sexy about dessert? Made famous by films like Nine and a Half Weeks, food play can be a fabulous turn-on in many, many ways. What could be more delectable on a summers day than sharing a plate of strawberries and cream with a lover… where one or both of you act as the plate!

Imagine laying out in the sunshine on a picnic blanket (somewhere private, of course), as your playmate nibbles fruit delicately off your skin, no doubt taking time to lick and nibble the tasty flesh underneath. Perhaps you could add a glass of champagne, trickled down a collar bone or over a hip, it’s great fun to lick off, and pleasantly tingly. There are a few other tricks to play with a glass of sparkling wine, too, but I’ll leave them for another day.

Not a fan of strawberries or cream? There are endless alternatives. Jelly, ice-cream or sorbet, fruity yogurts perhaps, anything spreadable is great fun to play with. Sticky substances, like chocolate syrup, jam or honey are particularly fun to drizzle over erogenous zones – they take extra time to lick off! Of course, there are savoury options too. Taramosalata is fun, as is sushi (watch where you put the wasabi, though!). You could have a full on food fight if you’re somewhere cleaning isn’t a problem, and enjoy getting messy – enjoy taking time out from being dignified and grown-up, it’s great fun!

More about sexy ways to use food next week. In the meantime, lunch is on me!

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